andrew gets house broken

i had back surgery yesterday (sunday 8/5) and everything went well. ive tried with some difficulty to understand what a ruptured disc is and what the procedure was. the easiest analogy ive found is that the disc is like an italian sausage stuffed between the spinal vertebra. in my back, the casing of the sausage split and the sausagy goo stuff squirted out into the space where the nerves run around. so the surgeon vacuumed out all the squeezed out sausage and pickles and relish, then sawed on the bone around just for fun to give me some more room back there. then he sealed me all up and sent me on my way. i woke up some hours later to the smiling faces of the hospital nurses and my mother. as the anesthesia wore off i realized how hungry i was. with the the snap of my finger a steaming tray of soggy fried chicken, a leaky cup of green beans, and sad pile of broccoli were dropped into my lap, yum hospital food my favorite. hunger satiated, next on my list of things to do was relieve myself. standing was out of the question this early after surgery so i was told to use the bedpan. they also failed to tell me that this "area" is last to come to in the awakening process. i waited and waited thinking maybe the doctor accidentally nicked something that shouldnt be nicked, finally i was rewarded a little for my patience. the rest of the day continued in this manner, eating weird cafeteria food, trying to pee in a cup, watching sunday morning tv evangelists all from the comfortable confines of my hospital stretcher. i could get used to this lifestyle being waited on hand and foot. you know being an invalid isnt so bad.