WORLD EPIDEMICS: attack of the murbleons!!!!

2009 season of battling the vicious marbled murbleon. this year our defenders are drug across the globe to protect the human race. follow along as they race to rid our world of this scum.

history of rap: jimmy fallon and justin timberlake

i dont usually do this but i heard it on fresh air

history of rap with justin timberlake and jimmy fallon

identity revealed

so admittedly im a pretty obsessive national public radio (npr) listener and i always wonder where they get these people to be djs and correspondents. prerequisites must be "if you have a strange or hyphenated name check here." that then leads me to guess their ethnicity. lakshmi singh, im thinking indian right? after twenty minutes of misspelling her name, made more fun by my dyslexia, i find:

what?! turns out her father is indo-trinidadian and her mother's puerto rican

so i decided to burst the bubble on the npr people and put a face to all those sneaking, hippie, commie, birkenstock-wearing, soap-dodging, pinko fareigners.
warning: proceed with caution as this could collapse the aura of their voices

steve inskeep and renee montagne ... high school sweethearts
















michele norris... looks like a commercial for a feminine hygiene product










diane rehm... kinda hot






































the car guys - tom and ray magliozzi
...
i think i saw that guy sleeping in a box


bob edwards... norwegian axe murderer













scott simon ... aw shucks dad










terry gross ... retired librarian maybe























garrison keillor ... face for radio














melissa block ... math class anyone?








carl castle ... insert funny joke here










louisa lim ... insert funny joke here










john ydstie ... i bet it was originally john johnson but he wanted to be part of the the weird npr name gang























jacki lyden







barbara bradley hagerty

















karen grigsby bates















mara liasson ...
















nina totenburg ... liberal elites you say hah










rob gifford ...



















anne garrels






















juan williams ... enraged black man covers peace and humanity desk













susan stamberg











ira flatow










ari daniel sharpiro





















daniel schorr


















ina jaffe walt













last but not least the longest name in the bunch ......... soraya sarhaddi nelson

jesus christ (no he doesnt work for them) this could go on forever anyway i hope this doesnt take away any of the mystique

stolen identity

three weeks ago i got a call from the bank to inform me that my bank information had been compromised and was reassured that this happens often. i was told that if another card owner that has compromised info, shops at a store that i did, legally, they must alert me and they suggested that i cancel my card and activate a new one. so the card was sent to my folks house in hickory and lazily thought i would deal with it next time i go home. last week a woman from the bank called to remind me that i hadnt canceled the card and should do so. so i met my folks and received the card on sat and monday i forgot while i was in town but checked my account and nothing was abnormal (still $13.45 cash money). yesterday (tues) i activated the new card and checked my balance -$250 WHAT!! i checked my statement a found that i was in sao paulo, brazil ordering $60 worth of big macs and $190 worth of lipstick from a drug store while at the same time banging nails in mtn city, tenn. huh somethings fishy i thought. im not a smart man but i do know its difficult to be in two places at the same time even if you run reeeeel fast. so i thunk i been snookered. also how do you spend $60 at mcdonalds unless maybe in brazil the hamburgers come with those carnival girls with feathers and maybe a free soccer ball with each purchase. so moral of the story dont be an idiot and wait once youve been compromised or just maybe someone will be eating your lunch on a tropical beach.

i see myself in 10 years after taking portuguese lessons, sneaking up behind this guy with a baseball bat and clubbing him and saying something clever like "those were my cheeseburgers, MAC" and then disappearing into the night. i think that would straighten him out.

i like to think about these three eating my big macs. the girls really need them, theyre too skinny. i consider it a charitable donation. now i dont need to donate to the feed the children fund this year