Wednesday, October 06, 2010

stolen identity

three weeks ago i got a call from the bank to inform me that my bank information had been compromised and was reassured that this happens often. i was told that if another card owner that has compromised info, shops at a store that i did, legally, they must alert me and they suggested that i cancel my card and activate a new one. so the card was sent to my folks house in hickory and lazily thought i would deal with it next time i go home. last week a woman from the bank called to remind me that i hadnt canceled the card and should do so. so i met my folks and received the card on sat and monday i forgot while i was in town but checked my account and nothing was abnormal (still $13.45 cash money). yesterday (tues) i activated the new card and checked my balance -$250 WHAT!! i checked my statement a found that i was in sao paulo, brazil ordering $60 worth of big macs and $190 worth of lipstick from a drug store while at the same time banging nails in mtn city, tenn. huh somethings fishy i thought. im not a smart man but i do know its difficult to be in two places at the same time even if you run reeeeel fast. so i thunk i been snookered. also how do you spend $60 at mcdonalds unless maybe in brazil the hamburgers come with those carnival girls with feathers and maybe a free soccer ball with each purchase. so moral of the story dont be an idiot and wait once youve been compromised or just maybe someone will be eating your lunch on a tropical beach.

i see myself in 10 years after taking portuguese lessons, sneaking up behind this guy with a baseball bat and clubbing him and saying something clever like "those were my cheeseburgers, MAC" and then disappearing into the night. i think that would straighten him out.

i like to think about these three eating my big macs. the girls really need them, theyre too skinny. i consider it a charitable donation. now i dont need to donate to the feed the children fund this year

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